He who has no patience, has nothing at all.
Patience begins with tears and ends with a smile.
Nothing is so full of victory as patience.
At the bottom of patience one finds heaven.
Suspicion bears dark devils.
Avoid suspicion: when you're walking through your neighbor's melon patch, don't tie your shoe.
Gossips always suspect that others are talking about them.
Consider the facts seven times before you suspect someone.
Who accepts from another sells his freedom.
To long for everything: sorrow; to accept everything: joy.
Whoever writes a book, should be ready to accept criticism.
Everyone can find fault, few can do better.
All good things comes to he who waits.
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
It means !!
He who listens to a proposition is already half sold.
He who gossips and he who listens to it deserve to be thrown to the dogs.
People who do not break things first will never learn to create anything.
A tongue has no bones but it can break.
Who accepts from another sells his freedom.
A good dog does not bite a chicken and a good man does not hit his wife.
Believe only half of what you see and nothing of what you hear.
All things come to him who waits.
Where there is no wife, there is no home.
Differences between husband and wife should not be aired in the marketplace.
A man thinks that he knows it, but his wife knows better.
The tongue has no bones, yet it breaks bones.
Curse your wife at evening, sleep alone at night.
Never strike your wife, even with a flower.
A man without a wife is like a man in winter without a fur cap.
A wife is frightened of her first husband and a husband is frightened of his second wife.
Never take a wife till you know what to do with her.
Better a stupid wife than a mess at home.
The man with one wife is the boss of all bachelors.
A man too good for the world is no good for his wife.
A woman is attractive when she is somebody else's wife.
When the cart breaks down, advice abounds.
When fortune turns against you, even jelly breaks your teeth.
Loneliness breaks the spirit.
Don't do all you can, spend all you have, believe all you hear, or tell all you know.
What I believe in is all that is mine.
There is no shame in not knowing; the shame lies in not finding out.
Believe what you see and lay aside what you hear.
For those who believe, no proof is necessary. For those who don't believe, no proof is possible.
He who gossips and he who listens to it deserve to be thrown to the dogs.
People who do not break things first will never learn to create anything.
A tongue has no bones but it can break.
Who accepts from another sells his freedom.
A good dog does not bite a chicken and a good man does not hit his wife.
Believe only half of what you see and nothing of what you hear.
All things come to him who waits.
Where there is no wife, there is no home.
Differences between husband and wife should not be aired in the marketplace.
A man thinks that he knows it, but his wife knows better.
The tongue has no bones, yet it breaks bones.
Curse your wife at evening, sleep alone at night.
Never strike your wife, even with a flower.
A man without a wife is like a man in winter without a fur cap.
A wife is frightened of her first husband and a husband is frightened of his second wife.
Never take a wife till you know what to do with her.
Better a stupid wife than a mess at home.
The man with one wife is the boss of all bachelors.
A man too good for the world is no good for his wife.
A woman is attractive when she is somebody else's wife.
When the cart breaks down, advice abounds.
When fortune turns against you, even jelly breaks your teeth.
Loneliness breaks the spirit.
Don't do all you can, spend all you have, believe all you hear, or tell all you know.
What I believe in is all that is mine.
There is no shame in not knowing; the shame lies in not finding out.
Believe what you see and lay aside what you hear.
For those who believe, no proof is necessary. For those who don't believe, no proof is possible.
Friday, August 15, 2008
Impressive !!
You will find that silence or very gentle words are the most exquisite revenge for insult.
Never trust the advice of a man in difficulty.
We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.
He who puts up with insult invites injury.
The will of God will never take you to where the grace of God will not protect you.
To act in anger is like tying up a ship in a storm.
Anger is always more harmful than the insult that caused it.
Never trust the man who tells you all his troubles but keeps from you all his joys.
The word listen contains the same letters as the word silent.
Things which matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter least.
If you kick a stone in anger, you'll hurt your own foot.
Anger ends in cruelty.
We crucify ourselves between two thieves- regret for yesterday and fear of tomorrow.
Better a devil you know than a hundred strangers.
Whoever does not respect you, insults you.
The hot sun melts away the snow; when anger comes, does wisdom go.
Don't promise something when you are full of joy; don't answer letters when you are full of anger.
The first decision of a woman is the most intelligent and the last decision most dangerous.
Anger is a bad adviser.
Wisdom is a comb given to a man once he is bald.
Women and glass are always in danger.
Never trust the advice of a man in difficulty.
We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.
He who puts up with insult invites injury.
The will of God will never take you to where the grace of God will not protect you.
To act in anger is like tying up a ship in a storm.
Anger is always more harmful than the insult that caused it.
Never trust the man who tells you all his troubles but keeps from you all his joys.
The word listen contains the same letters as the word silent.
Things which matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter least.
If you kick a stone in anger, you'll hurt your own foot.
Anger ends in cruelty.
We crucify ourselves between two thieves- regret for yesterday and fear of tomorrow.
Better a devil you know than a hundred strangers.
Whoever does not respect you, insults you.
The hot sun melts away the snow; when anger comes, does wisdom go.
Don't promise something when you are full of joy; don't answer letters when you are full of anger.
The first decision of a woman is the most intelligent and the last decision most dangerous.
Anger is a bad adviser.
Wisdom is a comb given to a man once he is bald.
Women and glass are always in danger.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
pick up lines !!
When God closes a door He opens a window.
When the mouth stumbles, it is worse than the foot.
If there is no enemy within, the enemy out side can do us no harm.
A long dispute means that both parties are wrong.
A person who makes no mistakes, generally makes nothing.
When the mouth stumbles, it is worse than the foot.
If there is no enemy within, the enemy out side can do us no harm.
A long dispute means that both parties are wrong.
A person who makes no mistakes, generally makes nothing.
Monday, August 11, 2008
How should a husband treat his wife?
A husband should treat his wife with respect, love, faithfulness, honesty and patience. She is his number 1 priority. He cares about what makes her happy or unhappy. He gets his greatest enjoyment from pleasing her or making her happy. It hurts him if he causes her pain, even unintentionally, and he always apologizes. He does not tolerate disrespect from others toward his wife. He listens to her when she speaks even when he doesn't agree. He tells her how he feels and always says, "I love you." If she is wrong, he will tell her in a kind way, without trying to hurt her. These are just some of the ways a husband should treat his wife but you get the idea. He is her rock and her best friend.
Thought for the week!! (10th August 2008)
Never argue with a stupid person. First they'll drag you down to their level, then they will beat you with experience.
Never interrupt your opponent while he is making a mistake.
Never run from your fears. Because when they catch up to you you're too tired to fight.
Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity.
Never try to make anyone like yourself. You know, and God knows, that one of you is enough.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
One good thing about being wrong is the joy it brings to others.
One must learn how to lose before learning how to play.
One of the most important things a father can do for his children is to love their mother.
Our character is shaped as much by our failures as it is by our successes.
Our marriage was a love match pure and simple; she was pure and I was simple.
Passion: A feeling you feel when you feel a feeling you've never felt before.
The best way to overcome temptation is to avoid the tempting situation.
People do not care how much you know, till they know how much you care!
People with true character show it when nobody else is present.
Raise your voice and your dignity is lowered.
Take risks: if you win, you will be happy; if you lose, you will be wise.
Talent hits the target which no one else can hit; genius hits the target which no one else can see.
Temptation resisted is the true measure of character.
That which was hard to endure is sweet to remember.
The best way to beat your enemy is to beat him at politeness.The easiest way to grow up is to surround yourself with people who are smarter than you.
Never interrupt your opponent while he is making a mistake.
Never run from your fears. Because when they catch up to you you're too tired to fight.
Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity.
Never try to make anyone like yourself. You know, and God knows, that one of you is enough.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
One good thing about being wrong is the joy it brings to others.
One must learn how to lose before learning how to play.
One of the most important things a father can do for his children is to love their mother.
Our character is shaped as much by our failures as it is by our successes.
Our marriage was a love match pure and simple; she was pure and I was simple.
Passion: A feeling you feel when you feel a feeling you've never felt before.
The best way to overcome temptation is to avoid the tempting situation.
People do not care how much you know, till they know how much you care!
People with true character show it when nobody else is present.
Raise your voice and your dignity is lowered.
Take risks: if you win, you will be happy; if you lose, you will be wise.
Talent hits the target which no one else can hit; genius hits the target which no one else can see.
Temptation resisted is the true measure of character.
That which was hard to endure is sweet to remember.
The best way to beat your enemy is to beat him at politeness.The easiest way to grow up is to surround yourself with people who are smarter than you.
Saturday, August 2, 2008
Thought for the week !! (3rd August 2008)
Money glitters, beauty sparkles, and intelligence shines.
I always win. Except when I lose, but then I just don't count it.
I am the master of my unspoken words, and a slave to those that should have remained unspoken.
God creates a worm for every bird - but He does not throw it in the nest.
God is too kind to do anything cruel; too wise to make a mistake; too deep to explain Himself.
God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts.
Handle yourself using your brain but handle others with your heart.
Happiness is what happens to us when we try to make someone else happy.
He who breaks a thing to find out what it is, has left the path of wisdom.
I am so glad God sees the whole video tape of my life, and not just a snapshot of where I am now.
He who kneels the most stands best.
He who kneels before God can stand before anyone!
He who knows others is learned.
He who knows himself is wise.
Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.
He who receives a good turn should never forget it; he who does one should never remember it.
He who stands for nothing, falls for anything.
Holding on to a hurt creates more hurt.
I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
I don't have a solution but I admire the problem.
I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.
If danger's a step away, safety's step away.
If God didn't forgive Heaven would be empty.
If I never had a bad day, how would I know whether I was having a good day?
If I try to be like him, who will be like me?
If someone is too tired to give you a smile, leave one of your own, because no one needs a smile as much as those who have none to give.
If there is no enemy within, the enemy out side can do us no harm.
If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me.
If you are headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns.
If you are not big enough to lose you are too small to win.
If you do your best, don't mind the rest.
If you love something set it free....If it comes back to you it is yours, if it doesn't than it was never meant to be.
Ignorance of one's misfortunes is clear gain. (Euripides)
I know you know what I think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.
In our search for truth let us not be influenced by what is easiest to believe.
It is better to be hated for what you are, then to be loved for what you're not!
It is better to forget and smile, than to remember and be sad.
It is better to regret something you did, rather than to regret something you didn't do.
It is better to understand little than to misunderstand a lot.
It is not talking but walking that will bring us to heaven.
It is wonderful what God can do with a broken heart, if He gets all the pieces.
Live by what you trust, not by what you fear.
Lord grant me the courage to do the things I can, the serenity to accept the things I can't, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Luck is a loser's excuse for a winner's position!
Marital problems? You don't need a new wife, you need a new life!
May every day of your life together be worse than the next. (Old Irish wedding blessing)
I always win. Except when I lose, but then I just don't count it.
I am the master of my unspoken words, and a slave to those that should have remained unspoken.
God creates a worm for every bird - but He does not throw it in the nest.
God is too kind to do anything cruel; too wise to make a mistake; too deep to explain Himself.
God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts.
Handle yourself using your brain but handle others with your heart.
Happiness is what happens to us when we try to make someone else happy.
He who breaks a thing to find out what it is, has left the path of wisdom.
I am so glad God sees the whole video tape of my life, and not just a snapshot of where I am now.
He who kneels the most stands best.
He who kneels before God can stand before anyone!
He who knows others is learned.
He who knows himself is wise.
Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.
He who receives a good turn should never forget it; he who does one should never remember it.
He who stands for nothing, falls for anything.
Holding on to a hurt creates more hurt.
I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
I don't have a solution but I admire the problem.
I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.
If danger's a step away, safety's step away.
If God didn't forgive Heaven would be empty.
If I never had a bad day, how would I know whether I was having a good day?
If I try to be like him, who will be like me?
If someone is too tired to give you a smile, leave one of your own, because no one needs a smile as much as those who have none to give.
If there is no enemy within, the enemy out side can do us no harm.
If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me.
If you are headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns.
If you are not big enough to lose you are too small to win.
If you do your best, don't mind the rest.
If you love something set it free....If it comes back to you it is yours, if it doesn't than it was never meant to be.
Ignorance of one's misfortunes is clear gain. (Euripides)
I know you know what I think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.
In our search for truth let us not be influenced by what is easiest to believe.
It is better to be hated for what you are, then to be loved for what you're not!
It is better to forget and smile, than to remember and be sad.
It is better to regret something you did, rather than to regret something you didn't do.
It is better to understand little than to misunderstand a lot.
It is not talking but walking that will bring us to heaven.
It is wonderful what God can do with a broken heart, if He gets all the pieces.
Live by what you trust, not by what you fear.
Lord grant me the courage to do the things I can, the serenity to accept the things I can't, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Luck is a loser's excuse for a winner's position!
Marital problems? You don't need a new wife, you need a new life!
May every day of your life together be worse than the next. (Old Irish wedding blessing)
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Trust !
"He who does not trust enough, Will not be trusted."
"To dream anything that you want to dream. That's the beauty of the human mind. To do anything that you want to do. That is the strength of the human will. To trust yourself to test your limits. That is the courage to succeed."
"Trust in what you love, continue to do it, and it will take you where you need to go."
"You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don't trust enough."
"A good marriage is at least 80 percent good luck in finding the right person at the right time. The rest is trust."
"It is better to suffer wrong than to do it, and happier to be sometimes cheated than not to trust."
"To dream anything that you want to dream. That's the beauty of the human mind. To do anything that you want to do. That is the strength of the human will. To trust yourself to test your limits. That is the courage to succeed."
"Trust in what you love, continue to do it, and it will take you where you need to go."
"You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don't trust enough."
"A good marriage is at least 80 percent good luck in finding the right person at the right time. The rest is trust."
"It is better to suffer wrong than to do it, and happier to be sometimes cheated than not to trust."
Monday, July 21, 2008
Things I love about my husband!!
His scent - I love the way he smells. Sometimes I'll bury my face in his pillow just to breathe in his scent.
How he says my name - Occasionally though, he'll say my name and I love the way it sounds when it roll off his tongue. He doesn't know, but just hearing him use my name makes me giddy.
He Does not criticize when the house is a mess. When it gets overwhelming, he'll help me organize things. He's never complained about housekeeping.
He has a good sense of humor - My husband is a funny guy. He makes me laugh. I appreciate that.
He is forgiving - I'm really blessed that my husband tries to be forgiving. After we've had an argument, he doesn't hold a grudge. He is usually willing to agree to disagree and move on..
That we can be couch together - I love that we can sit on the couch and watch tv together. It feels perfect to be sitting by his side with my hands draped over him.
Content - He doesn't compare himself or what he has to others . He is very content with his life as it is.
I love that there is so much to love about him - I love that it was easy to find and write about so many things I love about my husband. He is a really great guy and I'm blessed that he choose me as his eternal companion.
Knows me - He knows me and cares for me. He knows the real me and not just the face I put on in public. He takes the bad with the good.
He is very intelligent - He's quite smart. He has an impressive vocabulary and is the resident science expert in out household. He has a large breadth of knowledge of history as well. What is nice is that he doesn't act like a know-it-all or need to impress people with his knowledge.
Faithful - He has been faithful to me.
He planned the best honeymoon ever - He researched and picked a fabulous destination. It will always be one of our best shared and cherished memories :-)
I love that he thinks I'm beautiful no matter if I'm bare faced or make up ! He even thinks I am when I first wake up; that means a lot.
Believes me - I love that he believes me so much, even if I don't believe myself at the time. I'm pretty confident overall, but there are moments when having his extra support really helps me during those rare times of weakness.
I love that he and I have so many inside jokes together! There are things that he does(vice-versa) that are very specific and hilarious to our relationship that only we understand..
How he says my name - Occasionally though, he'll say my name and I love the way it sounds when it roll off his tongue. He doesn't know, but just hearing him use my name makes me giddy.
He Does not criticize when the house is a mess. When it gets overwhelming, he'll help me organize things. He's never complained about housekeeping.
He has a good sense of humor - My husband is a funny guy. He makes me laugh. I appreciate that.
He is forgiving - I'm really blessed that my husband tries to be forgiving. After we've had an argument, he doesn't hold a grudge. He is usually willing to agree to disagree and move on..
That we can be couch together - I love that we can sit on the couch and watch tv together. It feels perfect to be sitting by his side with my hands draped over him.
Content - He doesn't compare himself or what he has to others . He is very content with his life as it is.
I love that there is so much to love about him - I love that it was easy to find and write about so many things I love about my husband. He is a really great guy and I'm blessed that he choose me as his eternal companion.
Knows me - He knows me and cares for me. He knows the real me and not just the face I put on in public. He takes the bad with the good.
He is very intelligent - He's quite smart. He has an impressive vocabulary and is the resident science expert in out household. He has a large breadth of knowledge of history as well. What is nice is that he doesn't act like a know-it-all or need to impress people with his knowledge.
Faithful - He has been faithful to me.
He planned the best honeymoon ever - He researched and picked a fabulous destination. It will always be one of our best shared and cherished memories :-)
I love that he thinks I'm beautiful no matter if I'm bare faced or make up ! He even thinks I am when I first wake up; that means a lot.
Believes me - I love that he believes me so much, even if I don't believe myself at the time. I'm pretty confident overall, but there are moments when having his extra support really helps me during those rare times of weakness.
I love that he and I have so many inside jokes together! There are things that he does(vice-versa) that are very specific and hilarious to our relationship that only we understand..
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Patience!!
"Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones; and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace. God is awake."
"The greatest prayer is patience."
"Patience,persistence and perspiration make an unbeatable combination for success."
"Adopt the pace of nature; her secret is patience."
"You will conquer by patience."
"Patience is the companion of wisdom."
"Patience and forbearance make a bishop of his reverence."
"Anger can be subdued only by forbearance and cruelty can be overcome only by nonviolence."
"The key to everything is patience. You get the chicken by hatching the egg, not by smashing it."
"The greatest prayer is patience."
"Patience,persistence and perspiration make an unbeatable combination for success."
"Adopt the pace of nature; her secret is patience."
"You will conquer by patience."
"Patience is the companion of wisdom."
"Patience and forbearance make a bishop of his reverence."
"Anger can be subdued only by forbearance and cruelty can be overcome only by nonviolence."
"The key to everything is patience. You get the chicken by hatching the egg, not by smashing it."
Acceptance!!
"Understanding is the first step to acceptance, and only with acceptance can there be recovery."
"For after all, the best thing one can do when it's raining is to let it rain."
"Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future."
"Give love and unconditional acceptance to those you encounter, and notice what happens."
"To succeed, it is necessary to accept the world as it is - and rise above it."
"Happiness can exist only in acceptance."
"Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
"Acceptance of what has happened is the first step to overcoming the consequences of any misfortune."
"Love is when you shed a tear and still want him,it's when he ignores you and you still love him it's when he loves another girl you still smile and say I'm happy for you, when all you really do is cry."
"Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and right doing, there is a field. I will meet you there."
"When you are outraged by somebody's impudence,ask yourself at once,"Can the world exist without impudent people?" It cannot; so do not ask for impossibilities."
"I wish they would only take me as I am."
"For after all, the best thing one can do when it's raining is to let it rain."
"Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future."
"Give love and unconditional acceptance to those you encounter, and notice what happens."
"To succeed, it is necessary to accept the world as it is - and rise above it."
"Happiness can exist only in acceptance."
"Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
"Acceptance of what has happened is the first step to overcoming the consequences of any misfortune."
"Love is when you shed a tear and still want him,it's when he ignores you and you still love him it's when he loves another girl you still smile and say I'm happy for you, when all you really do is cry."
"Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and right doing, there is a field. I will meet you there."
"When you are outraged by somebody's impudence,ask yourself at once,"Can the world exist without impudent people?" It cannot; so do not ask for impossibilities."
"I wish they would only take me as I am."
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
How A Husband Should Love His Wife & How A Wife Should Love Her Husband
Let’s think of love not as a word but an action. Instead of saying “I love you.” Show you wife that you love her. Be more loving! How can a man show his woman he loves her? By doing!
Forget about the box of chocolates and flowers. Any man can go buy these things. But any man cannot show love to his wife on a whim. The chocolates get eaten and make your wife fat and cranky; the flowers wither and die in three days. What about showing your love by doing things that you know your wife will enjoy?
~How Should A Husband Love His Wife~
When was the last time you wined and dined your wife? What about a mini-vacation? Are you the romantic type? If not find out how you can amaze your wife by being a romantic guy. What would that involve?A woman likes a man who can cook. How about cooking her an intimate candlelit dinner for two? Don’t know how to cook? Get a cookbook and do it anyway. Have some fun in the kitchen and enjoy yourself.
Don’t forget, you wife likes to be touched and hugged without the pressure of sex looming in the near future. Sometimes the hugging and coddling is more important to her than the actual sex act. Not that she doesn’t like to orgasm but that she wants to KNOW that you love her more than the sex act itself. Hug her and cuddle her and you’ll most likely get what you want later.
The most important way to show your love is through your acceptance and validation. Are you the kind of guy that discounts his wife’s choices, desires, and needs through invalidation? This kind of behavior will cause all kinds of trouble in the marriage. Let me tell you why.
By invalidating your wife in whatever manner, you have essentially rejected her. She will feel as if her opinions, decisions, and beliefs don’t count and shouldn’t be regarded with importance. She will hold this within her consciousness and it will come back to haunt you later on in the marriage. This won’t be on purpose but mostly because you have hurt her. She loves you and when you invalidate her feelings, thoughts, actions, beliefs, views, and opinions, she gets hurt!
Let me tell you a big secret about woman, which also includes your wife. Your wife may ask you for your opinion on something because it is in her nature to get a second opinion but that does not necessarily mean that she will go with your opinion or your opposing viewpoint.
I’m not talking about the submission thing here either. What I’m talking about is just everyday thoughts and actions of your wife. If for some reason you really feel that it is best that you disagree with her thoughts and feelings, do so AFTER you have said something positive about the way she thinks and feels. Be understanding! If you actually validate her she will see it your way on her own, even if she won’t admit it.
Your wife may also like to vent her feelings more then you, not because she needs for you to find a solution so much as just being a sounding board. Give her validation in what she has to say, and then ask her if she is looking for an opinion and or solution first before giving her one. This doesn’t make much sense to you, but to us women it makes a lot of sense.
~How A Wife Should Love Her Husband~It is my firm belief that it is easier to make a man happy than for a man to make a woman happy. I believe this because men really don’t ask for much. If they can camp out on the hard ground with the ants and other bugs how hard can they be to please? Yes, I know this sounds superficial but think about this for a moment. Have you noticed how much happier, and less stressed out your man is when he has his two most important needs met, sex and food?
It is also semi-true that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. They love to eat and they love to eat good tasty meals. When their stomachs are full, and they have been taken care of physically, a man doesn’t ask for much else.
Don’t forget, the home is a man’s castle. Knowing this, make every effort to keep his castle tidy and free of stressful situations that could upset his equilibrium. He has worked all day long and wants to come home to a loving and sweet wife, not a grouch and a TV dinner
Be appreciative of every little thing your man does around the house. Make your man feel like a man by being a woman. Give him a hug and a kiss where it counts, talk about your day together. Don’t reject your husband sexually. Make him feel good about himself by telling him so. Respect him for who he is and what he does!
Basically, a woman needs validated and intimacy, and a man needs sex and good food. Find ways in which you can give of your self in the marriage by being more loving in these areas.
And men, after you have shown your wife how much you love her, then you can buy her the chocolates and flowers.
How to love and respect your husband:1. Set career, academic, and health goals for yourself, and then work hard to achieve them.
2. Develop a network of diverse and supportive friends.
3. Challenge your husband to be a mutual, respectful, and equal partner in every aspect of your relationship.
4. Resist any forms of intimacy you do not find pleasing or comfortable.
5. Believe in your husband’s honesty and integrity by refusing to lie or cover for him no matter how seemingly justifiable the lie or a cover-up might be.
6. Don’t work harder at his family relationships (on his behalf) than he, himself does.
7. Talk to him about what you see, think, and feel regarding matters that are important to you, and offer him the opportunity to do the same with you in return.
8. Resist making him appear to be a better father than he really is. If you help him save face with the children he might never need to step up to the plate and be all the dad he could be.
9. Be interdependent by finding fulfillment both within your marriage and as an individual. Enjoy being both a mother and wife without losing your capacity to enjoy life outside of each of these wonderful roles.
10. Maintain your voice under all circumstances while realizing that not everything you think or see or feel needs to be expressed.
Monday, July 14, 2008
Thought for the week (13th July 2008)
If there is anything that a man can do well, I say let him do it. Give him a chance.
A house divided against itself cannot stand.
Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other.
Don't worry when you are not recognized, but strive to be worthy of recognition.
Every one desires to live long, but no one would be old.
I destroy my enemies when I make them my friends.
I have always found that mercy bears richer fruits than strict justice.
I will prepare and some day my chance will come.
People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be.
Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves.
We should be too big to take offense and too noble to give it.
A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new.
Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile.
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
A house divided against itself cannot stand.
Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other.
Don't worry when you are not recognized, but strive to be worthy of recognition.
Every one desires to live long, but no one would be old.
I destroy my enemies when I make them my friends.
I have always found that mercy bears richer fruits than strict justice.
I will prepare and some day my chance will come.
People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be.
Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves.
We should be too big to take offense and too noble to give it.
A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new.
Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile.
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Thoughts!!
Be at peace with yourself first and then you will be able to bring peace to others.
Beauty is quite different from charm, beauty is what you notice in a woman, charm is when a woman notices you.
Be careful of your thoughts, they may become words at any moment.
Before a man can stand he must learn to kneel.
Believe your beliefs and doubt your doubts.
Be like the flower that perfumes the very hand that crushes it.
Be more concerned about your character than about your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think of you.
Be not afraid of growing slowly, be afraid only of standing still.
Be slow in choosing a friend, slower in changing.
Be tender to the young, compassionate to the aged, tolerant with the weak. For in your life you will be all of these.
Better an end with pain, than pain with no end.
Better to bend than to break.
Better to understand little than to misunderstand a lot.
Blowing out another's candle will not make yours shine brighter.
Choose your love, love your choice.
Don't say" if I could, I would".
Say instead "If I can, I will".
Defeat isn't bitter if you don't swallow it.
Do all you should, not all you could.
Don't attempt to run from the past, it is always behind you.
Don't be afraid of opposition; Remember a kite rises against, not with the wind.
Don't tell God how big your problems are...tell your problems how big your God is.
Eighty percent of life's satisfaction comes from meaningful relationships.
Even a mosquito doesn't get a slap on the back until he starts to work.
Every closed eye is not sleeping; and every open eye is not seeing.
Everyone needs to be loved . . . especially when they do not deserve it.
Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.
Every truth has two sides; it is well to look at both, before we commit ourselves to either.
Faith makes all things possible. Love makes all things easy. Hope makes all things work.
Forgiveness is the best remedy for any injury.
Forgiveness is unlocking the door to set someone free and realizing you were the prisoner!
Four things come not back: the spoken word, the spent arrow, the past, and the neglected opportunity.
Beauty is quite different from charm, beauty is what you notice in a woman, charm is when a woman notices you.
Be careful of your thoughts, they may become words at any moment.
Before a man can stand he must learn to kneel.
Believe your beliefs and doubt your doubts.
Be like the flower that perfumes the very hand that crushes it.
Be more concerned about your character than about your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think of you.
Be not afraid of growing slowly, be afraid only of standing still.
Be slow in choosing a friend, slower in changing.
Be tender to the young, compassionate to the aged, tolerant with the weak. For in your life you will be all of these.
Better an end with pain, than pain with no end.
Better to bend than to break.
Better to understand little than to misunderstand a lot.
Blowing out another's candle will not make yours shine brighter.
Choose your love, love your choice.
Don't say" if I could, I would".
Say instead "If I can, I will".
Defeat isn't bitter if you don't swallow it.
Do all you should, not all you could.
Don't attempt to run from the past, it is always behind you.
Don't be afraid of opposition; Remember a kite rises against, not with the wind.
Don't tell God how big your problems are...tell your problems how big your God is.
Eighty percent of life's satisfaction comes from meaningful relationships.
Even a mosquito doesn't get a slap on the back until he starts to work.
Every closed eye is not sleeping; and every open eye is not seeing.
Everyone needs to be loved . . . especially when they do not deserve it.
Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.
Every truth has two sides; it is well to look at both, before we commit ourselves to either.
Faith makes all things possible. Love makes all things easy. Hope makes all things work.
Forgiveness is the best remedy for any injury.
Forgiveness is unlocking the door to set someone free and realizing you were the prisoner!
Four things come not back: the spoken word, the spent arrow, the past, and the neglected opportunity.
Monday, July 7, 2008
Great Liners!!
A beautiful relationship does not depend upon how good we understand someone but on how well we avoid misunderstandings.
Ability can take you to the top, but it takes character to keep you there.
Ability is what you're capable of doing...
Motivation determines what you do...
Attitude determines how well you do it.
A brook would lose its song if God removed the rocks.
Acceptance of what has happened is the first step to overcoming the consequences of any misfortune. (William James)
A cigarette is a pinch of tobacco, wrapped in paper, fire at one end, fool at the other.
A computer is almost human - except that it does not blame its mistakes on another computer.
Acquaintance: a person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
A crisis is when you can't say: "let's forget the whole thing".
Action may not always be happiness, but there is no happiness without action.
A fall will always make a wise man wiser.
A good way to change somebody's attitude is to change your own.
A good marriage is like a casserole: only those involved actually know what goes into it.
A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes.
A hundred men may make an encampment, but it takes a woman to make a home.
All men make mistakes but married men find out about them sooner.
A long dispute means that both parties are wrong.
Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
Always leave loved ones with loving words, it may be the last time you see them.
A man who thinks he is smarter than his wife, has a very smart wife!
Among the things you can give and still keep are your word, a smile, and a grateful heart.
An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have: The older she gets, the more interested he is in her.
An error doesn't become a mistake until you choose to ignore it.
Anger, if not restrained, is frequently more hurtful to us than the injury that provokes it.
Anger is costly on the soul, be careful with what you choose to spend it on.
A person who makes no mistakes, generally makes nothing.
Aspire to inspire before you expire.
A successful man makes more money than his woman can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
A true friend walks in when the world walks out.
A word gets its meaning by the person who speaks it.
A word of encouragement during a failure is worth more than an hour of praise after success.
Ability can take you to the top, but it takes character to keep you there.
Ability is what you're capable of doing...
Motivation determines what you do...
Attitude determines how well you do it.
A brook would lose its song if God removed the rocks.
Acceptance of what has happened is the first step to overcoming the consequences of any misfortune. (William James)
A cigarette is a pinch of tobacco, wrapped in paper, fire at one end, fool at the other.
A computer is almost human - except that it does not blame its mistakes on another computer.
Acquaintance: a person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
A crisis is when you can't say: "let's forget the whole thing".
Action may not always be happiness, but there is no happiness without action.
A fall will always make a wise man wiser.
A good way to change somebody's attitude is to change your own.
A good marriage is like a casserole: only those involved actually know what goes into it.
A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes.
A hundred men may make an encampment, but it takes a woman to make a home.
All men make mistakes but married men find out about them sooner.
A long dispute means that both parties are wrong.
Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
Always leave loved ones with loving words, it may be the last time you see them.
A man who thinks he is smarter than his wife, has a very smart wife!
Among the things you can give and still keep are your word, a smile, and a grateful heart.
An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have: The older she gets, the more interested he is in her.
An error doesn't become a mistake until you choose to ignore it.
Anger, if not restrained, is frequently more hurtful to us than the injury that provokes it.
Anger is costly on the soul, be careful with what you choose to spend it on.
A person who makes no mistakes, generally makes nothing.
Aspire to inspire before you expire.
A successful man makes more money than his woman can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
A true friend walks in when the world walks out.
A word gets its meaning by the person who speaks it.
A word of encouragement during a failure is worth more than an hour of praise after success.
30 Best One Liners
1.Some of them are really that provoking, save it for a relaxed afternoon.
2.Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left.
3.Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes or no?
4.Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more(friendship or money)
5.Death is hereditary.
6.An expert is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.
7.Many things can be preserved in alcohol. Dignity is not one of them.
8.When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.
9.Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.
10.Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
11.Experience is what a comb gives you after you lose your hair.
12.Well done is better than well said.
13.Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make them when nobody is looking.
14.They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.
15.I like work. It fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.
16.Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives.
17.I have a drinking problem - I can't afford it.
18.Good girls go to heaven. Bad girls go anywhere!
19.Love thy neighbour, but be sure her husband is away.
20.Drink 'til she's cute, but stop before the wedding.
21.I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
22.When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
23.Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
24.If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
25.Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
26.I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
27.Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.
28.For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
29.Skill is successfully walking a tightrope over Niagara Falls.
30.Intelligence is not trying.
2.Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left.
3.Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes or no?
4.Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more(friendship or money)
5.Death is hereditary.
6.An expert is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.
7.Many things can be preserved in alcohol. Dignity is not one of them.
8.When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.
9.Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.
10.Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
11.Experience is what a comb gives you after you lose your hair.
12.Well done is better than well said.
13.Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make them when nobody is looking.
14.They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.
15.I like work. It fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.
16.Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives.
17.I have a drinking problem - I can't afford it.
18.Good girls go to heaven. Bad girls go anywhere!
19.Love thy neighbour, but be sure her husband is away.
20.Drink 'til she's cute, but stop before the wedding.
21.I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
22.When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
23.Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
24.If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
25.Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
26.I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
27.Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.
28.For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
29.Skill is successfully walking a tightrope over Niagara Falls.
30.Intelligence is not trying.
Saturday, July 5, 2008
Confidence Quotes!!
" Trust men and they will be true to you; treat them greatly and they will show themselves great"
" Let me never fall into the vulgar mistake of dreaming that I am persecuted whenever I am contradicted"
" It's not who you are that holds you back, it's who you think you're not"
" You cannot consistently perform in a manner which is inconsistent with the way you see yourself"
" The life of every man is a diary in which he means to write one story, and writes another, and his humblest hour is when he compares the volume as it is with what he vowed to make it"
" Let me never fall into the vulgar mistake of dreaming that I am persecuted whenever I am contradicted"
" It's not who you are that holds you back, it's who you think you're not"
" You cannot consistently perform in a manner which is inconsistent with the way you see yourself"
" The life of every man is a diary in which he means to write one story, and writes another, and his humblest hour is when he compares the volume as it is with what he vowed to make it"
Thought for the week (6th July 2008) !!
" Whenever you're in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude "
" While he sits on cushions of advantages, he goes to sleep. It's only when he is pushed, tormented, defeated that he has a chance to learn something new "
" Success is counted sweetest by those who ne'er succeed "
" Opportunities are like morning dew. To catch one, you have wake up early while the world is busy sleeping "
" Have the determination of a mirror. It never loses its ability to reflect, even if it is broken into thousands of pieces "
" Results limit your success, a positive attitude doesn't. It's your positive attitude that pulls you through your negative phase. Fate may seal, positive attitude will teach you to deal with the seal "
"As long as I know where I stand, I therefore know where I should be "
" Never look at the doors closing behind you or you'll miss the ones opening ahead "
" Hard work is doing the "hard part" of the work, which means going the extra mile "
" Success is yours in anything you accomplish and is derived by your actions alone "
" Apologizing does not mean that you are wrong and the other is right. It only means that you value the relationship much more than personal ego "
" Letting go is difficult... acceptance is a step in the right direction but forgiveness is the key to freedom "
" Your determination, focus and your relationship with others determine how far you will go in life "
" To get to the treasure, you have to dive in "
" Luck can visit a fool but it never sits with him "
" If not you, then who else?"
" A man without imagination is like a bird without wings "
" Life gives you only what you accept "
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Versus of the Quran
"And among His signs is this: that He created mates for you from yourselves that you may find rest and peace of mind in them, and He ordained between you love and mercy. Certainly, herein indeed are signs for people who reflect."
[Noble Quran 30:21]
Prophet Muhammad said:
"The most perfect in faith amongst believers is he who is best in manners and kindest to his wife."
[Abu Dawud]
Muslims believe that Adam and Eve were created from the same soul. Both were equally guilty of their sin and fall from grace, and Allah forgave both. Many women in Islam have had high status; consider the fact that the first person to convert to Islam was Khadijah, the wife of Muhammad, whom he both loved and respected. His favorite wife after Khadijah's death, Ayshah, became renowned as a scholar and one of the greatest sources of Hadith literature. Many of the female Companions accomplished great deeds and achieved fame, and throughout Islamic history there have been famous and influential scholars and jurists.
Islam Women and their rights!
From the spiritual aspect, there are seven points to remember:
According to the Quran, men and women have the same spirit, there is no superiority in the spiritual sense between men and women. The Quran makes it clear that all human beings (and the phraseology doesn't apply to men or women alone, but to both) have what you might call a human; He
Some of His spirit here means not in the incarnational sense, but the pure, innate spiritual nature that God has endowed her or him with.
The Quran indicates again that one of the most honored positions of human, is that God created the human, and as I referred to Surah 17 earlier, it means both sexes, as His trustee and representative on earth. There are many references in the Quran that reaffirm this.
Nowhere in the Quran do we find any trace of any notion of blaming Eve for the first mistake or for eating from the forbidden tree. Nowhere, even though the Quran speaks about Adam, Eve, and the forbidden tree, but in a totally different spirit. The story is narrated in 7:19-27, and it speaks about both of them doing this, both of them are told that both of them disobeyed, both of them discovered the consequences of their disobedience, both of them seek repentance and both of them are forgiven. Nowhere in the Quran does it say woman is to be blamed for the fall of man. Furthermore, when the Quran speaks about the suffering of women during the period of pregnancy and childbirth, nowhere does it connect it with the concept of original sin, because there is no concept of original sin in Islam. The suffering is presented not as a reason to remind woman of the fall of man, but as a reason to adore and love woman or the mother. In the Quran, especially 31:14, 46:15, it makes it quite clear God has commanded upon mankind to be kind to parents and mentions,
The Quran makes it clear again to remove any notion of superiority and I refer you again to 49:13. I must caution you that there are some mistaken translations, but if you go to the original Arabic, there is no question of gender being involved.
In terms of moral, spiritual duties, acts of worship, the requirements of men and women are the same, except in some cases when women have certain concessions because of their feminine nature, or their health or the health of their babies.
The Quran explicitly, in more than one verse, 3:195, 4:124, specified that whoever does good deeds, and is a believer and then specifies "male or female" God will give them an abundant reward.
In the area of economic rights, we have to remember that in Europe until the 19th century, women did not have the right to own their own property. When they were married, either it would transfer to the husband or she would not be able to dispense of it without permission of her husband. In Britain, perhaps the first country to give women some property rights, laws were passed in the 1860's known as "Married Women Property Act." More than 1300 years earlier, that right was clearly established in Islamic law.
Secondly, there is no restriction in Islamic law that says a woman cannot work or have a profession, that her only place is in the home. In fact, by definition, in a truly Islamic society, there must be women physicians, women nurses, women teachers, because it's preferable also to separate teenagers in the volatile years in high school education. And if she chooses to work, or if she's married with the consent of her husband, she's entitled to equal pay, not for equal work, but for work of equal worth.
Thirdly, when it comes to financial security, Islamic law is more tilted in many respects towards women. These are seven examples:
During the period of engagement, a woman is to be on the receiving side of gifts.
At the time of marriage, it is the duty of the husband, not the bride's family. He is supposed to pay for a marital gift. The Quran called it a gift, and it is exclusively the right of the woman. She doesn't have to spend it on the household, she doesn't have to give it to her father or anyone else.
If the woman happened to own any property prior to marriage, she retains that property after marriage. It remains under her control. Also, in most Muslim countries, the woman keeps her own last name, and her own identity.
If the woman has any earnings during her marital life, by way of investments of her property or as a result of work, she doesn't have to spend one penny of that income on the household, it is entirely hers.
In return for these listed securities, it is clear why the Islamic laws pertaining to inheritance give men a higher share. From the social standpoint, as a daughter we find that credit goes to Islam for stopping the barbaric practice of pre-Islamic Arabs of female infanticide. These ignorant people used to bury female daughters alive. The Quran forbade the practice, making it a crime. Surah 81 Additionally, the Quran condemned the chauvinistic attitudes of some people who used to greet the birth of a boy with gladness, but sadness in the case of a girl.
The duty, not the right, the duty of education, as the Prophet said, is a duty on every Muslim, male and female.
As far as treatment of daughters is concerned, Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, said, "Anyone who has two daughters, and did not bury them, did not insult them and brought them up properly, he and I will be like this," holding his two fingers close together. Another version adds, "And also did not favor his sons over daughters." One time the Prophet, peace be upon him, was seated. A companion was sitting with him. The companion's son came. He kissed his son and put him on his lap. Then his daughter came, and he just sat her by his side. The Prophet told the man, "You did not do Justice," meaning he should have treated the daughter equally, kissed her and put her in his lap also. Indeed, whenever the Prophet's daughter Fatimah came to him, in front of everyone, he stood up, kissed her and let her sit in his favorite place where he'd been sitting.
From the marital standpoint, the Quran clearly indicates in Surahs 30:20 and 42:11 that marriage is not just an inevitable evil, marriage is not somebody getting married to his master or slave, but rather to his partner.
There are numerous verses in the Quran to the same effect.
Secondly, the approval and consent of the girl to marriage is a prerequisite for the validity of marriage in Islam. She has the right to say yes or no.
Husbands' and wives' duties are mutual responsibilities. They might not be identical duties, but the totality of rights and responsibilities are balanced. The Quran says,
This only specifies the degree of responsibility, not privilege, in man's role as provider, protector, maintainer, and leader of the family. The same Surah speaks about divorce, about consultation between husband and wife, even in the case of divorce. When there are family disputes, first the Quran appeals to reason and the consideration of positive aspects of one's spouse,
If that appeal does not succeed, and problems between the husband and wife continue, there are measures that can be applied. Some of these measures are done privately between husband and wife. Some of them might appear harsh, but there are qualifications to restrict excessive or abusive use of these measures. These measures are considered an attempt to save a marriage rather than break a family apart. If the situation does not improve, even with the limitation and prevention of excesses, the next step is a family council. One arbiter from his family and one from her family should sit together with the couple and try to resolve the problems.
Polygamy has become so mythical in the minds of many people that they assume being Muslim means having four wives. This is a false notion, of course. A very renowned anthropologist, Edward Westenmark, in his two-volume work, "History of Human Marriage," notes that there has been polygamy in virtually every culture and religion, including Judaism and Christianity. But the point here is not to say, "Why blame Islam?" Actually, Islam is the only religion even among Abrahamic faiths, that specifically limited the practice of polygamy that existed before Islam and established very strict conditions for guidance. The question, "How could any man have two wives? That's terrible!" reflects ethnocentrism. We assume that because we're living in the West and it seems strange, and we assume it must apply to all cultures, all times, under all circumstances. This simply isn't true. Let me give you one current-day example. In the savage attack on Afghanistan, genocide was committed on the Afghani people. It is estimated that 1-1.5 million people lost their lives, a great majority of whom were men of a marriageable age. Now, with a great shortage of men, what will happen to their widows, their orphans and their daughters of marriageable age? Is it better to leave them in a camp, with a handout? Or better a man is willing to take care of his fallen comrade's wife and children?
It is obvious that monogamy is the norm for Muslims. If we assume that having four wives is the norm, then we assume a population of 80% female and 20% male, which is an impossibility on the aggregate level. The only verse in the Quran that speaks about polygamy, speaks about limiting not instituting polygamy. The verse was revealed after the Battle of Uhud in which many Muslims were martyred, leaving behind wives and children in need of support. This verse shows the spirit and reason of the revelation.
The Quran placed obedience to parents immediately after worship of God.
As a sister in faith, in blood, we find the Quran speaks about men and women, that they should cooperate and collaborate in goodness. Surah 9:17 speaks about men and women as supporters and helpers of each other, ordaining the good and forbidding the evil, establishing prayers and doing charity. Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) echoed what the Quran said, "I command you to be kind to women." In one of his last commands in his farewell pilgrimage before his death, he kept repeating, "I command you to be kind and considerate to women." In another hadith, he said, "It is only the generous in character who is good to women, and only the evil one who insults them."
On the question of attire, the Quran and the sayings of the Prophet did not say women must adopt a particular dress of a particular country. It only gives basic boundaries, and for a committed Muslim woman, she doesn't follow this simply because her father or husband tells her, but because Allah already stated that as a requirement in the Quran, and was explained through revelation given to Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, that this was not to restrict woman, but to provide a virtuous society where sexual attraction is not the main obsession of everyone. This forces everyone to respect the woman for what she is as a human being, as an intellectual and a spiritual being, rather than being diverted to her sexuality.
Finally, a few words about political involvement. The verse quoted earlier, Surah 9:17, which speaks about men and women being supporters and helpers of each other was taken by some jurists to mean that it involves also public life. How could they ordain the good and forbid the evil without women being active in the affairs of their society? According to the Quran, I'm not talking about the practices of Muslims, in Surah 60:12, we read about Muslim women making "bayy'ah" to the Prophet. Bayy'ah as an Islamic term is somewhat analogous, to a degree, to what we would call an election, or oath of allegiance. And that was given in his capacity not only as a Prophet, but as a head of state, as he was already the head of state in Medina.
During the rein of 'Umar, women participated in law making. 'Umar made a proposal of a certain regulation concerning marriage. A woman in the mosque stood up and said, "‘Umar, you can't do that." ‘Umar did not tell her, "Shut up, you are a woman, you have nothing to do with politics, etc." He asked, "Why?" She made her argument on the basis of Quran. In front of everybody, he stood up and said, "The woman is right and ‘Umar is wrong," and he withdrew his proposal. That was the spirit in the early days of Islam.
In the most authentic collection of Hadith, Hadith Bukhari, a section is devoted to the participation of women, not only in public affairs, but in the battlefield, too, and not only as logistical support. Women carried arms, and when there was great danger to the Muslims, they volunteered to participate even in the battlefield.
The problems presented here are not the problems of Islam. They are problems of a lack of commitment, lack of application, or misapplication of Islamic teachings by Muslims themselves. The topics I have tried to cover here represent and exemplify the big gap that exists between the true teachings of Islam as derived from its original sources and its projected image in the West and the way some Muslims behave in the disregard of those noble teachings.
According to the Quran, men and women have the same spirit, there is no superiority in the spiritual sense between men and women. [Noble Quran 4:1, 7:189, 42:11]
The Quran makes it clear that all human beings (and the phraseology doesn't apply to men or women alone, but to both) have what you might call a human; He "breathed some of My spirit into divine touch. When God created him"(or her in this sense).
[Noble Quran 15:29 See also 32:9]
Some of His spirit here means not in the incarnational sense, but the pure, innate spiritual nature that God has endowed her or him with.
The Quran indicates again that one of the most honored positions of human, is that God created the human, and as I referred to Surah 17 earlier, it means both sexes, as His trustee and representative on earth. There are many references in the Quran that reaffirm this. Nowhere in the Quran do we find any trace of any notion of blaming Eve for the first mistake or for eating from the forbidden tree. Nowhere, even though the Quran speaks about Adam, Eve, and the forbidden tree, but in a totally different spirit. The story is narrated in 7:19-27, and it speaks about both of them doing this, both of them are told that both of them disobeyed, both of them discovered the consequences of their disobedience, both of them seek repentance and both of them are forgiven. Nowhere in the Quran does it say woman is to be blamed for the fall of man. Furthermore, when the Quran speaks about the suffering of women during the period of pregnancy and childbirth, nowhere does it connect it with the concept of original sin, because there is no concept of original sin in Islam. The suffering is presented not as a reason to remind woman of the fall of man, but as a reason to adore and love woman or the mother. In the Quran, especially 31:14, 46:15, it makes it quite clear God has commanded upon mankind to be kind to parents and mentions, "His mother bore him in difficulty or suffering upon suffering."
[Noble Quran 31:14, 46:15]
The Quran makes it clear again to remove any notion of superiority and I refer you again to 49:13. I must caution you that there are some mistaken translations, but if you go to the original Arabic, there is no question of gender being involved. In terms of moral, spiritual duties, acts of worship, the requirements of men and women are the same, except in some cases when women have certain concessions because of their feminine nature, or their health or the health of their babies. The Quran explicitly, in more than one verse, 3:195, 4:124, specified that whoever does good deeds, and is a believer and then specifies "male or female" God will give them an abundant reward.In the area of economic rights, we have to remember that in Europe until the 19th century, women did not have the right to own their own property. When they were married, either it would transfer to the husband or she would not be able to dispense of it without permission of her husband. In Britain, perhaps the first country to give women some property rights, laws were passed in the 1860's known as "Married Women Property Act." More than 1300 years earlier, that right was clearly established in Islamic law.
"Whatever men earn, they have a share of that and whatever women earn, they have a share in that."
[Noble Quran 4:31]
Secondly, there is no restriction in Islamic law that says a woman cannot work or have a profession, that her only place is in the home. In fact, by definition, in a truly Islamic society, there must be women physicians, women nurses, women teachers, because it's preferable also to separate teenagers in the volatile years in high school education. And if she chooses to work, or if she's married with the consent of her husband, she's entitled to equal pay, not for equal work, but for work of equal worth.
Thirdly, when it comes to financial security, Islamic law is more tilted in many respects towards women. These are seven examples:
During the period of engagement, a woman is to be on the receiving side of gifts.
At the time of marriage, it is the duty of the husband, not the bride's family. He is supposed to pay for a marital gift. The Quran called it a gift, and it is exclusively the right of the woman. She doesn't have to spend it on the household, she doesn't have to give it to her father or anyone else. If the woman happened to own any property prior to marriage, she retains that property after marriage. It remains under her control. Also, in most Muslim countries, the woman keeps her own last name, and her own identity. If the woman has any earnings during her marital life, by way of investments of her property or as a result of work, she doesn't have to spend one penny of that income on the household, it is entirely hers.In return for these listed securities, it is clear why the Islamic laws pertaining to inheritance give men a higher share. From the social standpoint, as a daughter we find that credit goes to Islam for stopping the barbaric practice of pre-Islamic Arabs of female infanticide. These ignorant people used to bury female daughters alive. The Quran forbade the practice, making it a crime. Surah 81 Additionally, the Quran condemned the chauvinistic attitudes of some people who used to greet the birth of a boy with gladness, but sadness in the case of a girl.
The duty, not the right, the duty of education, as the Prophet said, is a duty on every Muslim, male and female.
As far as treatment of daughters is concerned, Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, said, "Anyone who has two daughters, and did not bury them, did not insult them and brought them up properly, he and I will be like this," holding his two fingers close together. Another version adds, "And also did not favor his sons over daughters." One time the Prophet, peace be upon him, was seated. A companion was sitting with him. The companion's son came. He kissed his son and put him on his lap. Then his daughter came, and he just sat her by his side. The Prophet told the man, "You did not do Justice," meaning he should have treated the daughter equally, kissed her and put her in his lap also. Indeed, whenever the Prophet's daughter Fatimah came to him, in front of everyone, he stood up, kissed her and let her sit in his favorite place where he'd been sitting.
From the marital standpoint, the Quran clearly indicates in Surahs 30:20 and 42:11 that marriage is not just an inevitable evil, marriage is not somebody getting married to his master or slave, but rather to his partner.
"Among His Signs is this, that he created for you mates from among yourselves, that they may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): Verily in that are signs for those who reflect."
[Noble Quran 30:21]
There are numerous verses in the Quran to the same effect.
Secondly, the approval and consent of the girl to marriage is a prerequisite for the validity of marriage in Islam. She has the right to say yes or no.
Husbands' and wives' duties are mutual responsibilities. They might not be identical duties, but the totality of rights and responsibilities are balanced. The Quran says,
"Women have the same rights (in relation to their husbands) as are expected in all decency from them, while men stand a step above them."
[Noble Quran 2:228]
This only specifies the degree of responsibility, not privilege, in man's role as provider, protector, maintainer, and leader of the family. The same Surah speaks about divorce, about consultation between husband and wife, even in the case of divorce. When there are family disputes, first the Quran appeals to reason and the consideration of positive aspects of one's spouse,
"Dwell with your wives in kindness for even if you hate them, you might be hating someone in whom God has placed so much good."
[Noble Quran 4:19]
If that appeal does not succeed, and problems between the husband and wife continue, there are measures that can be applied. Some of these measures are done privately between husband and wife. Some of them might appear harsh, but there are qualifications to restrict excessive or abusive use of these measures. These measures are considered an attempt to save a marriage rather than break a family apart. If the situation does not improve, even with the limitation and prevention of excesses, the next step is a family council. One arbiter from his family and one from her family should sit together with the couple and try to resolve the problems.
Polygamy has become so mythical in the minds of many people that they assume being Muslim means having four wives. This is a false notion, of course. A very renowned anthropologist, Edward Westenmark, in his two-volume work, "History of Human Marriage," notes that there has been polygamy in virtually every culture and religion, including Judaism and Christianity. But the point here is not to say, "Why blame Islam?" Actually, Islam is the only religion even among Abrahamic faiths, that specifically limited the practice of polygamy that existed before Islam and established very strict conditions for guidance. The question, "How could any man have two wives? That's terrible!" reflects ethnocentrism. We assume that because we're living in the West and it seems strange, and we assume it must apply to all cultures, all times, under all circumstances. This simply isn't true. Let me give you one current-day example. In the savage attack on Afghanistan, genocide was committed on the Afghani people. It is estimated that 1-1.5 million people lost their lives, a great majority of whom were men of a marriageable age. Now, with a great shortage of men, what will happen to their widows, their orphans and their daughters of marriageable age? Is it better to leave them in a camp, with a handout? Or better a man is willing to take care of his fallen comrade's wife and children?
It is obvious that monogamy is the norm for Muslims. If we assume that having four wives is the norm, then we assume a population of 80% female and 20% male, which is an impossibility on the aggregate level. The only verse in the Quran that speaks about polygamy, speaks about limiting not instituting polygamy. The verse was revealed after the Battle of Uhud in which many Muslims were martyred, leaving behind wives and children in need of support. This verse shows the spirit and reason of the revelation.
The Quran placed obedience to parents immediately after worship of God.
As a sister in faith, in blood, we find the Quran speaks about men and women, that they should cooperate and collaborate in goodness. Surah 9:17 speaks about men and women as supporters and helpers of each other, ordaining the good and forbidding the evil, establishing prayers and doing charity. Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) echoed what the Quran said, "I command you to be kind to women." In one of his last commands in his farewell pilgrimage before his death, he kept repeating, "I command you to be kind and considerate to women." In another hadith, he said, "It is only the generous in character who is good to women, and only the evil one who insults them."
On the question of attire, the Quran and the sayings of the Prophet did not say women must adopt a particular dress of a particular country. It only gives basic boundaries, and for a committed Muslim woman, she doesn't follow this simply because her father or husband tells her, but because Allah already stated that as a requirement in the Quran, and was explained through revelation given to Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, that this was not to restrict woman, but to provide a virtuous society where sexual attraction is not the main obsession of everyone. This forces everyone to respect the woman for what she is as a human being, as an intellectual and a spiritual being, rather than being diverted to her sexuality.
Finally, a few words about political involvement. The verse quoted earlier, Surah 9:17, which speaks about men and women being supporters and helpers of each other was taken by some jurists to mean that it involves also public life. How could they ordain the good and forbid the evil without women being active in the affairs of their society? According to the Quran, I'm not talking about the practices of Muslims, in Surah 60:12, we read about Muslim women making "bayy'ah" to the Prophet. Bayy'ah as an Islamic term is somewhat analogous, to a degree, to what we would call an election, or oath of allegiance. And that was given in his capacity not only as a Prophet, but as a head of state, as he was already the head of state in Medina.
During the rein of 'Umar, women participated in law making. 'Umar made a proposal of a certain regulation concerning marriage. A woman in the mosque stood up and said, "‘Umar, you can't do that." ‘Umar did not tell her, "Shut up, you are a woman, you have nothing to do with politics, etc." He asked, "Why?" She made her argument on the basis of Quran. In front of everybody, he stood up and said, "The woman is right and ‘Umar is wrong," and he withdrew his proposal. That was the spirit in the early days of Islam.
In the most authentic collection of Hadith, Hadith Bukhari, a section is devoted to the participation of women, not only in public affairs, but in the battlefield, too, and not only as logistical support. Women carried arms, and when there was great danger to the Muslims, they volunteered to participate even in the battlefield.
The problems presented here are not the problems of Islam. They are problems of a lack of commitment, lack of application, or misapplication of Islamic teachings by Muslims themselves. The topics I have tried to cover here represent and exemplify the big gap that exists between the true teachings of Islam as derived from its original sources and its projected image in the West and the way some Muslims behave in the disregard of those noble teachings.
The Holy Quran
http://www.shareislam.com/
(A lovely site developed to know all the aspects of Islam)
What Is the Status of Women in Islam? |
| Islam sees a woman, whether single or married, as an individual in her own right, |
with the right to own and dispose of her property and earnings without any guardianship over her (whether that be her father, husband, or anyone else). She has the right to buy and sell, give gifts and charity, and may spend her money as she pleases. A marriage dowry is given by the groom to the bride for her own personal use, and she keeps her own family name rather than taking her husband’s.
said: {The best among you are those who are best to their wives.}
Monday, June 23, 2008
The benefits of positive thinking!
Helps achieving goals and attaining success.
Success achieved faster and more easily.
More happiness.
More energy.
Greater inner power and strength.
The ability to inspire and motivate yourself and others.
Fewer difficulties encountered along the way.
The ability to surmount any difficulty.
Life smiles at you.
People respect you.
Success achieved faster and more easily.
More happiness.
More energy.
Greater inner power and strength.
The ability to inspire and motivate yourself and others.
Fewer difficulties encountered along the way.
The ability to surmount any difficulty.
Life smiles at you.
People respect you.
Developing a positive attitude that will lead you to happiness and success:
- Choose to be happy.
- Look at the bright side of life.
- Choose to be and stay optimistic.
- Find reasons to smile more often.
- Have faith in yourself and in the Power of the Universe.
- Contemplate upon the futility of negative thinking and worries.
- Associate yourself with happy people.
- Read inspiring stories.
- Read inspiring quotes.
- Repeat affirmations that inspire and motivate you.
- Visualize only what you want to happen.
- Learn to master your thoughts.
- Learn concentration and meditation.
- Look at the bright side of life.
- Choose to be and stay optimistic.
- Find reasons to smile more often.
- Have faith in yourself and in the Power of the Universe.
- Contemplate upon the futility of negative thinking and worries.
- Associate yourself with happy people.
- Read inspiring stories.
- Read inspiring quotes.
- Repeat affirmations that inspire and motivate you.
- Visualize only what you want to happen.
- Learn to master your thoughts.
- Learn concentration and meditation.
Positive Attitude
If you do not make a total commitment to whatever you are doing, then you start looking to bail out the first time the boat starts leaking. It is tough enough getting that boat to shore with everybody rowing, let alone when a guy stands up and starts putting his life jacket on.
It is good to have an end to journey towards; but it is the journey that matters in the end.
When life pokes and prods you, it is not punishment or abuse. You are being pushed out of the nest. Spread your wings and take flight. See how well you can fly.
RISK AND BLOOM
And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Principles for a Successful Life
A successful life is a satisfying life. It is one where you are healthy, happy and fulfilled in your existence. Most people would like to lead such a life, but many think it is not easy to do. In fact, it is not that difficult. Much of what happens to you in your life is a result of your philosophy or way of thinking and the principles you follow, as well as your attitude toward things.
Be good in each
Questions you may have include:
- What type of philosophy do I need to have?
- How do attitude, health and wealth fit in?
- What do I need to do to get started?
Have a positive philosophy
In order to lead a good, well or satisfying life, you need a positive philosophy toward the major components in your life. These components are your:
- Attitude
- Health: Physical, Emotional and Spiritual
- Communications: Sensing the world and Social interactions
- Knowledge
- Activities: Vocation and Leisure
Be good in each
You can be good and attain satisfaction in each of these items, leading to a happy and healthy life.
Attitude
Your attitude can make your life satisfying, if you:
- Enjoy life
- Be accountable for your own well being
- Think in terms of taking care of your whole person—your body, mind and spirit
Health
The following are ways to attain wellness in the different types of health.
Physical health
Good physical health can make your life satisfying, if you:
- Are physically active
- Eat frugally
- Minimize medical invasiveness
Emotional health
Good emotional health can make your life satisfying, if you:
- Handle stress well
- Are aware of your feelings
- Appreciate the talents you have
Spiritual health
Good spiritual health can make your life satisfying, if you:
- Are forgiving
- Are grateful
- Are at peace
Communication
The following are ways to attain wellness in the areas of communication.
Sensing the world
Effective sensing of the world around you can make your life more satisfying, if you:
- Are observant
- Are curious
- Use all your senses
Social interactions
Good social interactions can make your life satisfying, if you:
- Have respect for other people
- Try to have everyone win
- Live for today
Intellect
Good intellect can make your life satisfying, if you:
- Think mindfully
- Are creative
- Continually grow
Vocation
A good vocation can make your life satisfying, if you:
- Have a purpose
- Help others
- Are concerned about future generations
Saturday, May 31, 2008
9 Tips in life that lead to Happiness!
HAPPINESS
Happiness is hard to define but most people are aware of whether they are happy or not. Many people believe that happiness is a form of luck and that some people are destined to be happy while others are destined to be unhappy. I try to incorporate the tips above into my life and have had great success in achieving happiness. The tips in this article are small but meaningful steps that you can take each day to lead you to true happiness.
Are you truly happy? Do you even know what it means to be happy and what it takes to achieve happiness? These are important questions for anyone who is seeking happiness to ask themselves. I live my life to maintain my own happiness while trying my best to not cause unhappiness to anyone else. If you want to be happy you need to understand that you can be happy and that you should be happy. Many people make the mistake of believing that they don’t deserve happiness and accept their unhappy state as their destiny. The truth of the matter is that happiness, like anything else in life, needs to be nurtured. The following are a few tips that I follow to create happiness in my life.
1. Understand what it is that will make you happy. Everyone has unique requirements for attaining happiness and what makes one person happy may be very different from what makes someone else happy. Revel in your individuality and do not worry about whether or not your desires are comparable to those of your peers.
2. Make a plan for attaining goals that you believe will make you happy. Your mood will very likely increase as your pursue your goal because you will feel better about yourself for going after something you value.
3. Surround yourself with happy people. It is easy to begin to think negatively when you are surrounded by people who think that way. Conversely, if you are around people who are happy their emotional state will be infectious.
4. When something goes wrong try to figure out a solution instead of wallowing in self pity. Truly happy people don’t allow set backs to affect their mood because they know that with a little thought they can turn the circumstances back to their favor.
5. Spend a few minutes each day thinking about the things that make you happy. These few minutes will give you the opportunity to focus on the positive things in your life and will lead you to continued happiness.
6. It’s also important to take some time each day to do something nice for yourself. Whether you treat yourself to lunch, take a long, relaxing bath or simply spend a few extra minutes on your appearance you will be subconsciously putting yourself in a better mood.
7. Finding the humor in situations can also lead to happiness. While there are times that require you to be serious, when it is appropriate, find a way to make light of a situation that would otherwise make you unhappy.
8. Maintaining your health is another way to achieve happiness. Being overweight or not eating nutritious foods can have a negative effect on your mood. Additionally, exercise has been known to release endorphins that give you a feeling of happiness.
9. Finally, it is important to understand that you deserve happiness. Those who believe that they are not worthy of happiness may subconsciously sabotage their efforts to achieve happiness. If necessary, tell yourself each day that you deserve to be happy and remind yourself what steps you will take to achieve the happiness you desire.
Additional Quotes -
ABILITY
Knowing what you can not do is more important than knowing what you can do. In fact, that's good taste.
Ability is of little account without opportunity.
To sentence a man of true genius, to the drudgery of a school is to put a racehorse on a treadmill.
The person born with a talent they are meant to use will find their greatest happiness in using it.
Never tell a young person that anything cannot be done. God may have been waiting centuries for someone ignorant enough of the impossible to do that very thing.
To know how to hide one's ability is great skill.
Ability is sexless.
The world cares very little about what a man or woman knows; it is what a man or woman is able to do that counts.
BEAUTY
Ability is of little account without opportunity.
To sentence a man of true genius, to the drudgery of a school is to put a racehorse on a treadmill.
The person born with a talent they are meant to use will find their greatest happiness in using it.
Never tell a young person that anything cannot be done. God may have been waiting centuries for someone ignorant enough of the impossible to do that very thing.
To know how to hide one's ability is great skill.
Ability is sexless.
The world cares very little about what a man or woman knows; it is what a man or woman is able to do that counts.
BEAUTY
Personal beauty is a greater recommendation than any letter of reference.
Beauty is everywhere a welcome guest.
Beauty is worse than wine, it intoxicates both the holder and beholder.
From the beginning of our history the country has been afflicted with compromise. It is by compromise that human rights have been ;abandoned.
Gather in your resources, rally all your faculties, marshal all your energies, focus all your capacities upon mastery of at least one field of endeavor.
Beauty is everywhere a welcome guest.
Beauty is worse than wine, it intoxicates both the holder and beholder.
COMPROMISE
From the beginning of our history the country has been afflicted with compromise. It is by compromise that human rights have been ;abandoned.
Gather in your resources, rally all your faculties, marshal all your energies, focus all your capacities upon mastery of at least one field of endeavor.
CONTROL
Don't let the negativity given to you by the world disempower you. Instead give to yourself that which empowers you.
Flow with whatever is happening and let your mind be free. Stay centered by accepting whatever you are doing. This is the ultimate.
Nothing gives a person so much advantage over another as to remain always cool and unruffled under all circumstances.
Every man wishes to rule the world. Unfortunately, the world rules every man.
No man is fit to command another that cannot command himself.
The one thing over which you have absolute control is your own thoughts. It is this that puts you in a position to control your own destiny.
Don't let the negativity given to you by the world disempower you. Instead give to yourself that which empowers you.
Flow with whatever is happening and let your mind be free. Stay centered by accepting whatever you are doing. This is the ultimate.
Nothing gives a person so much advantage over another as to remain always cool and unruffled under all circumstances.
Every man wishes to rule the world. Unfortunately, the world rules every man.
No man is fit to command another that cannot command himself.
The one thing over which you have absolute control is your own thoughts. It is this that puts you in a position to control your own destiny.
TOLERANCE
There is a limit at which forbearance ceases to be a virtue.
The highest result of education is tolerance.
To tolerant everything is too teach nothing.
The highest result of education is tolerance.
To tolerant everything is too teach nothing.
TRUST
Never trust the man who tells you all his troubles but keeps from you all his joys.
Never trust a husband too far, nor a bachelor too near.
My father used to say: "Never suspect people, It's better to be deceived or mistaken, which is only human, after all, than to be suspicious, which is common."
Never trust a husband too far, nor a bachelor too near.
My father used to say: "Never suspect people, It's better to be deceived or mistaken, which is only human, after all, than to be suspicious, which is common."
Monday, May 26, 2008
Believe in GOD and he will be with you always!
God is the ultimate power . Believe in him and he never fails. He shows only what is right for you .
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Great quotes to inspire, empower and motivate you to live the life of your dreams and become the person you've always wanted to be!
ABSENCE
Separation penetrates the disappearing person like a pigment and steeps him in gentle radiance.Sometimes I need what only you can provide, your absence.
No man is so perfect, so necessary to his friends, as to give them no cause to miss him less.
Absence -- that common cure of love.
Absence from whom we love is worse than death, and frustrates hope severer than despair.
Absence sharpens love, presence strengthens it.
CONFIDENCE
One who has lost confidence can lose nothing more.
The human heart, at whatever age, opens only to the heart that opens in return
I don't feel any pressure. I just try to stay calm, follow my game plan and try not to overthrown.
The human heart, at whatever age, opens only to the heart that opens in return
I don't feel any pressure. I just try to stay calm, follow my game plan and try not to overthrown.
COMMON SENSE
Common sense is the knack of seeing things as they are, and doing things as they ought to be done.
Common sense is perhaps the most equally divided, but surely the most underemployed, talent in the world.
There is nothing a man of good sense dreads in a wife so much as her having more sense than himself.
Forgiveness is God's command.
Forgiveness is the oil of relationships.
Never repeat old grievances.
It is a very delicate job to forgive a man, without lowering him in his own estimation, and yours too.
ANGERCommon sense is perhaps the most equally divided, but surely the most underemployed, talent in the world.
There is nothing a man of good sense dreads in a wife so much as her having more sense than himself.
FORGIVENESS
He who has not forgiven an enemy has never yet tasted one of the most sublime enjoyments of life.God pardons like a mother, who kisses the offense into everlasting forgiveness.
Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.
The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.
A winner rebukes and forgives; a loser is too timid to rebuke and too petty to forgive
He that cannot forgive others, breaks the bridge over which he himself must pass if he would ever reach heaven; for everyone has need to be forgiven.
Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.
The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.
A winner rebukes and forgives; a loser is too timid to rebuke and too petty to forgive
He that cannot forgive others, breaks the bridge over which he himself must pass if he would ever reach heaven; for everyone has need to be forgiven.
Forgiveness is God's command.
Forgiveness is the oil of relationships.
Never repeat old grievances.
It is a very delicate job to forgive a man, without lowering him in his own estimation, and yours too.
Indulge not thyself in the passion of anger; it is whetting a sword to wound thine own breast, or murder thy friend.
Consider how much more you often suffer from your anger and grief, than from those very things for which you are angry and grieved.
How much more grievous are the consequences of anger than the causes of it.
Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger
Whatever is begun in anger, ends in shame.
You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist.
Anger is a momentary madness, so control your passion or it will control you.
The one who cannot restrain their anger will wish undone, what their temper and irritation prompted them to do.
The angry man will defeat himself in battle as well as in life.
Anger itself does more harm than the condition which aroused anger.
The worst tempered people I have ever met were those who knew that they were wrong
All anger is not sinful, because some degree of it, and on some occasions, is inevitable. But it becomes sinful and contradicts the rule of Scripture when it is conceived upon slight and inadequate provocation, and when it continues long.
He best keeps from anger who remembers that God is always looking upon him.
There are two things a person should never be angry at, what they can help, and what they cannot.
Man should forget his anger before he lies down to sleep.
He that would be angry and sin not, must not be angry with anything but sin.
I lose my temper, but it's all over in a minute," said the student. "So is the hydrogen bomb," I replied. "But think of the damage it produces!
Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.
When you meet up with a disagreeable person, never allow yourself to be upset. Say to yourself, if a dowdy like that can stand himself all his life, surely I can stand him for a few minutes.
There is not in nature, a thing that makes man so deformed, so beastly, as doth intemperate anger.
Consider how much more you often suffer from your anger and grief, than from those very things for which you are angry and grieved.
How much more grievous are the consequences of anger than the causes of it.
Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger
Whatever is begun in anger, ends in shame.
You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist.
Anger is a momentary madness, so control your passion or it will control you.
The one who cannot restrain their anger will wish undone, what their temper and irritation prompted them to do.
The angry man will defeat himself in battle as well as in life.
Anger itself does more harm than the condition which aroused anger.
The worst tempered people I have ever met were those who knew that they were wrong
All anger is not sinful, because some degree of it, and on some occasions, is inevitable. But it becomes sinful and contradicts the rule of Scripture when it is conceived upon slight and inadequate provocation, and when it continues long.
He best keeps from anger who remembers that God is always looking upon him.
There are two things a person should never be angry at, what they can help, and what they cannot.
Man should forget his anger before he lies down to sleep.
He that would be angry and sin not, must not be angry with anything but sin.
I lose my temper, but it's all over in a minute," said the student. "So is the hydrogen bomb," I replied. "But think of the damage it produces!
Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.
When you meet up with a disagreeable person, never allow yourself to be upset. Say to yourself, if a dowdy like that can stand himself all his life, surely I can stand him for a few minutes.
There is not in nature, a thing that makes man so deformed, so beastly, as doth intemperate anger.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Strategies To Keep Anger At Bay
Relaxation
Simple relaxation tools, such as deep breathing and relaxing imagery, can help calm down angry feelings. There are books and courses that can teach you relaxation techniques, and once you learn the techniques, you can call upon them in any situation. If you are involved in a relationship where both partners are hot-tempered, it might be a good idea for both of you to learn these techniques.
Some simple steps you can try:
* Breathe deeply, from your diaphragm; breathing from your chest won't relax you. Picture your breath coming up from your "gut."
* Slowly repeat a calm word or phrase such as "relax," "take it easy." Repeat it to yourself while breathing deeply.
* Use imagery; visualize a relaxing experience, from either your memory or your imagination.
* Nonstrenuous, slow yoga-like exercises can relax your muscles and make you feel much calmer.
Practice these techniques daily. Learn to use them automatically when you're in a tense situation.
Cognitive Restructuring
Simply put, this means changing the way you think. Angry people tend to curse, swear, or speak in highly colorful terms that reflect their inner thoughts. When you're angry, your thinking can get very exaggerated and overly dramatic. Try replacing these thoughts with more rational ones. For instance, instead of telling yourself, "oh, it's awful, it's terrible, everything's ruined," tell yourself, "it's frustrating, and it's understandable that I'm upset about it, but it's not the end of the world and getting angry is not going to fix it anyhow."
Be careful of words like "never" or "always" when talking about yourself or someone else. "This !&*%@ machine never works," or "you're always forgetting things" are not just inaccurate, they also serve to make you feel that your anger is justified and that there's no way to solve the problem. They also alienate and humiliate people who might otherwise be willing to work with you on a solution.
Remind yourself that getting angry is not going to fix anything, that it won't make you feel better (and may actually make you feel worse).
Logic defeats anger, because anger, even when it's justified, can quickly become irrational. So use cold hard logic on yourself. Remind yourself that the world is "not out to get you," you're just experiencing some of the rough spots of daily life. Do this each time you feel anger getting the best of you, and it'll help you get a more balanced perspective. Angry people tend to demand things: fairness, appreciation, agreement, willingness to do things their way. Everyone wants these things, and we are all hurt and disappointed when we don't get them, but angry people demand them, and when their demands aren't met, their disappointment becomes anger. As part of their cognitive restructuring, angry people need to become aware of their demanding nature and translate their expectations into desires. In other words, saying, "I would like" something is healthier than saying, "I demand" or "I must have" something. When you're unable to get what you want, you will experience the normal reactions—frustration, disappointment, hurt—but not anger. Some angry people use this anger as a way to avoid feeling hurt, but that doesn't mean the hurt goes away.
Problem Solving
Sometimes, our anger and frustration are caused by very real and inescapable problems in our lives. Not all anger is misplaced, and often it's a healthy, natural response to these difficulties. There is also a cultural belief that every problem has a solution, and it adds to our frustration to find out that this isn't always the case. The best attitude to bring to such a situation, then, is not to focus on finding the solution, but rather on how you handle and face the problem.
Make a plan, and check your progress along the way. Resolve to give it your best, but also not to punish yourself if an answer doesn't come right away. If you can approach it with your best intentions and efforts and make a serious attempt to face it head-on, you will be less likely to lose patience and fall into all-or-nothing thinking, even if the problem does not get solved right away.
Better Communication
Angry people tend to jump to—and act on—conclusions, and some of those conclusions can be very inaccurate. The first thing to do if you're in a heated discussion is slow down and think through your responses. Don't say the first thing that comes into your head, but slow down and think carefully about what you want to say. At the same time, listen carefully to what the other person is saying and take your time before answering.
Listen, too, to what is underlying the anger. For instance, you like a certain amount of freedom and personal space, and your "significant other" wants more connection and closeness. If he or she starts complaining about your activities, don't retaliate by painting your partner as a jailer, a warden, or an albatross around your neck.
It's natural to get defensive when you're criticized, but don't fight back. Instead, listen to what's underlying the words: the message that this person might feel neglected and unloved. It may take a lot of patient questioning on your part, and it may require some breathing space, but don't let your anger—or a partner's—let a discussion spin out of control. Keeping your cool can keep the situation from becoming a disastrous one.
Simple relaxation tools, such as deep breathing and relaxing imagery, can help calm down angry feelings. There are books and courses that can teach you relaxation techniques, and once you learn the techniques, you can call upon them in any situation. If you are involved in a relationship where both partners are hot-tempered, it might be a good idea for both of you to learn these techniques.
Some simple steps you can try:
* Breathe deeply, from your diaphragm; breathing from your chest won't relax you. Picture your breath coming up from your "gut."
* Slowly repeat a calm word or phrase such as "relax," "take it easy." Repeat it to yourself while breathing deeply.
* Use imagery; visualize a relaxing experience, from either your memory or your imagination.
* Nonstrenuous, slow yoga-like exercises can relax your muscles and make you feel much calmer.
Practice these techniques daily. Learn to use them automatically when you're in a tense situation.
Cognitive Restructuring
Simply put, this means changing the way you think. Angry people tend to curse, swear, or speak in highly colorful terms that reflect their inner thoughts. When you're angry, your thinking can get very exaggerated and overly dramatic. Try replacing these thoughts with more rational ones. For instance, instead of telling yourself, "oh, it's awful, it's terrible, everything's ruined," tell yourself, "it's frustrating, and it's understandable that I'm upset about it, but it's not the end of the world and getting angry is not going to fix it anyhow."
Be careful of words like "never" or "always" when talking about yourself or someone else. "This !&*%@ machine never works," or "you're always forgetting things" are not just inaccurate, they also serve to make you feel that your anger is justified and that there's no way to solve the problem. They also alienate and humiliate people who might otherwise be willing to work with you on a solution.
Remind yourself that getting angry is not going to fix anything, that it won't make you feel better (and may actually make you feel worse).
Logic defeats anger, because anger, even when it's justified, can quickly become irrational. So use cold hard logic on yourself. Remind yourself that the world is "not out to get you," you're just experiencing some of the rough spots of daily life. Do this each time you feel anger getting the best of you, and it'll help you get a more balanced perspective. Angry people tend to demand things: fairness, appreciation, agreement, willingness to do things their way. Everyone wants these things, and we are all hurt and disappointed when we don't get them, but angry people demand them, and when their demands aren't met, their disappointment becomes anger. As part of their cognitive restructuring, angry people need to become aware of their demanding nature and translate their expectations into desires. In other words, saying, "I would like" something is healthier than saying, "I demand" or "I must have" something. When you're unable to get what you want, you will experience the normal reactions—frustration, disappointment, hurt—but not anger. Some angry people use this anger as a way to avoid feeling hurt, but that doesn't mean the hurt goes away.
Problem Solving
Sometimes, our anger and frustration are caused by very real and inescapable problems in our lives. Not all anger is misplaced, and often it's a healthy, natural response to these difficulties. There is also a cultural belief that every problem has a solution, and it adds to our frustration to find out that this isn't always the case. The best attitude to bring to such a situation, then, is not to focus on finding the solution, but rather on how you handle and face the problem.
Make a plan, and check your progress along the way. Resolve to give it your best, but also not to punish yourself if an answer doesn't come right away. If you can approach it with your best intentions and efforts and make a serious attempt to face it head-on, you will be less likely to lose patience and fall into all-or-nothing thinking, even if the problem does not get solved right away.
Better Communication
Angry people tend to jump to—and act on—conclusions, and some of those conclusions can be very inaccurate. The first thing to do if you're in a heated discussion is slow down and think through your responses. Don't say the first thing that comes into your head, but slow down and think carefully about what you want to say. At the same time, listen carefully to what the other person is saying and take your time before answering.
Listen, too, to what is underlying the anger. For instance, you like a certain amount of freedom and personal space, and your "significant other" wants more connection and closeness. If he or she starts complaining about your activities, don't retaliate by painting your partner as a jailer, a warden, or an albatross around your neck.
It's natural to get defensive when you're criticized, but don't fight back. Instead, listen to what's underlying the words: the message that this person might feel neglected and unloved. It may take a lot of patient questioning on your part, and it may require some breathing space, but don't let your anger—or a partner's—let a discussion spin out of control. Keeping your cool can keep the situation from becoming a disastrous one.
Why Are Some People More Angry Than Others?
According to Jerry Deffenbacher, PhD, a psychologist who specializes in anger management, some people really are more "hotheaded" than others are; they get angry more easily and more intensely than the average person does. There are also those who don't show their anger in loud spectacular ways but are chronically irritable and grumpy. Easily angered people don't always curse and throw things; sometimes they withdraw socially, sulk, or get physically ill.
People who are easily angered generally have what some psychologists call a low tolerance for frustration, meaning simply that they feel that they should not have to be subjected to frustration, inconvenience, or annoyance. They can't take things in stride, and they're particularly infuriated if the situation seems somehow unjust: for example, being corrected for a minor mistake.
What makes these people this way? A number of things. One cause may be genetic or physiological: There is evidence that some children are born irritable, touchy, and easily angered, and that these signs are present from a very early age. Another may be sociocultural. Anger is often regarded as negative; we're taught that it's all right to express anxiety, depression, or other emotions but not to express anger. As a result, we don't learn how to handle it or channel it constructively.
Research has also found that family background plays a role. Typically, people who are easily angered come from families that are disruptive, chaotic, and not skilled at emotional communications.
Is It Good To "Let it All Hang Out?"
Psychologists now say that this is a dangerous myth. Some people use this theory as a license to hurt others. Research has found that "letting it rip" with anger actually escalates anger and aggression and does nothing to help you (or the person you're angry with) resolve the situation.
It's best to find out what it is that triggers your anger, and then to develop strategies to keep those triggers from tipping you over the edge.
People who are easily angered generally have what some psychologists call a low tolerance for frustration, meaning simply that they feel that they should not have to be subjected to frustration, inconvenience, or annoyance. They can't take things in stride, and they're particularly infuriated if the situation seems somehow unjust: for example, being corrected for a minor mistake.
What makes these people this way? A number of things. One cause may be genetic or physiological: There is evidence that some children are born irritable, touchy, and easily angered, and that these signs are present from a very early age. Another may be sociocultural. Anger is often regarded as negative; we're taught that it's all right to express anxiety, depression, or other emotions but not to express anger. As a result, we don't learn how to handle it or channel it constructively.
Research has also found that family background plays a role. Typically, people who are easily angered come from families that are disruptive, chaotic, and not skilled at emotional communications.
Is It Good To "Let it All Hang Out?"
Psychologists now say that this is a dangerous myth. Some people use this theory as a license to hurt others. Research has found that "letting it rip" with anger actually escalates anger and aggression and does nothing to help you (or the person you're angry with) resolve the situation.
It's best to find out what it is that triggers your anger, and then to develop strategies to keep those triggers from tipping you over the edge.
Friday, May 9, 2008
Expressing Anger
The instinctive, natural way to express anger is to respond aggressively. Anger is a natural, adaptive response to threats; it inspires powerful, often aggressive, feelings and behaviors, which allow us to fight and to defend ourselves when we are attacked. A certain amount of anger, therefore, is necessary to our survival.
On the other hand, we can't physically lash out at every person or object that irritates or annoys us; laws, social norms, and common sense place limits on how far our anger can take us.
People use a variety of both conscious and unconscious processes to deal with their angry feelings. The three main approaches are expressing, suppressing, and calming. Expressing your angry feelings in an assertive—not aggressive—manner is the healthiest way to express anger. To do this, you have to learn how to make clear what your needs are, and how to get them met, without hurting others. Being assertive doesn't mean being pushy or demanding; it means being respectful of yourself and others.
Anger can be suppressed, and then converted or redirected. This happens when you hold in your anger, stop thinking about it, and focus on something positive. The aim is to inhibit or suppress your anger and convert it into more constructive behavior. The danger in this type of response is that if it isn't allowed outward expression, your anger can turn inward—on yourself. Anger turned inward may cause hypertension, high blood pressure, or depression.
Unexpressed anger can create other problems. It can lead to pathological expressions of anger, such as passive-aggressive behavior (getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why, rather than confronting them head-on) or a personality that seems perpetually cynical and hostile. People who are constantly putting others down, criticizing everything, and making cynical comments haven't learned how to constructively express their anger. Not surprisingly, they aren't likely to have many successful relationships.
Finally, you can calm down inside. This means not just controlling your outward behavior, but also controlling your internal responses, taking steps to lower your heart rate, calm yourself down, and let the feelings subside.
As Dr. Spielberger notes, "when none of these three techniques work, that's when someone—or something—is going to get hurt."
On the other hand, we can't physically lash out at every person or object that irritates or annoys us; laws, social norms, and common sense place limits on how far our anger can take us.
People use a variety of both conscious and unconscious processes to deal with their angry feelings. The three main approaches are expressing, suppressing, and calming. Expressing your angry feelings in an assertive—not aggressive—manner is the healthiest way to express anger. To do this, you have to learn how to make clear what your needs are, and how to get them met, without hurting others. Being assertive doesn't mean being pushy or demanding; it means being respectful of yourself and others.
Anger can be suppressed, and then converted or redirected. This happens when you hold in your anger, stop thinking about it, and focus on something positive. The aim is to inhibit or suppress your anger and convert it into more constructive behavior. The danger in this type of response is that if it isn't allowed outward expression, your anger can turn inward—on yourself. Anger turned inward may cause hypertension, high blood pressure, or depression.
Unexpressed anger can create other problems. It can lead to pathological expressions of anger, such as passive-aggressive behavior (getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why, rather than confronting them head-on) or a personality that seems perpetually cynical and hostile. People who are constantly putting others down, criticizing everything, and making cynical comments haven't learned how to constructively express their anger. Not surprisingly, they aren't likely to have many successful relationships.
Finally, you can calm down inside. This means not just controlling your outward behavior, but also controlling your internal responses, taking steps to lower your heart rate, calm yourself down, and let the feelings subside.
As Dr. Spielberger notes, "when none of these three techniques work, that's when someone—or something—is going to get hurt."
What is Anger?
Anger is "an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage,". Like other emotions, it is accompanied by physiological and biological changes; when you get angry, your heart rate and blood pressure go up, as do the levels of your energy hormones, adrenaline, and noradrenaline.
Anger can be caused by both external and internal events. You could be angry at a specific person (Such as a coworker or supervisor) or event (a traffic jam, a canceled flight), or your anger could be caused by worrying or brooding about your personal problems. Memories of traumatic or enraging events can also trigger angry feelings.
Anger can be caused by both external and internal events. You could be angry at a specific person (Such as a coworker or supervisor) or event (a traffic jam, a canceled flight), or your anger could be caused by worrying or brooding about your personal problems. Memories of traumatic or enraging events can also trigger angry feelings.
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